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Dating, Drugs And Alcohol

Dear Daughter, I love you so much. I wish that I could always protect you from all dangers, but I know that I canít. You are growing up and you will have to face dangers and make some decisions on your own. However, I am always here and I can always be a pretty good coach. Please talk to me anytime about any problem you may have, even if you have messed up. I have messed up a few times myself.

I was thinking about my last letter on dating. I would like to continue those thoughts. As I think about the potential dangers to avoid, drugs and alcohol are at the top of the list. The moment you learn that a boyfriend is using any type of illegal drug, begin choosing the location for the break up. Never let the relationship continue thinking that he will give up the drugs for you.

I know this sounds cruel, but it is true. People who are using drugs will look you in the eye and convincingly lie about the drug use. The drug use actually alters their personality. They will lie and do things that they wouldnít normally do. When you break up with someone over drug use, itís a little different situation. As described before, choose a semi-private but public location, such as a restaurant. Take your own transportation and enough one dollar bills to pay for whatever you order, if you are meeting in a restaurant. Get straight to the issue. If you like him, tell him so. If he has some good points, compliment him.

Then tell him that you cannot continue dating him because he uses drugs. Tell him that this is something you decided long ago and that you are sticking to it. If it is true, tell him that you still consider him to be a friend, but you will not date him. He will try to minimize the drug use. He may say that he doesnít use drugs that often, and that itís no big deal, everyone does it. He may say that he can quit anytime he wants to quit. He may try to make you feel guilty for treating him so badly. Donít believe any of this. Tell him that only he can decide what he wants to do, you wish him the best and that you hope, for his sake, he does decide to give up the drugs. Get up and leave.

In about a week or so he may call to tell you that he is off all drugs and doing great. Congratulate him and tell him that you will not consider dating him until he has been drug free for at least a year. He will then try to make you feel bad for being so unreasonable. He may even try to make you feel guilty for not helping him stay off drugs by continuing the relationship. Without you he may start using drugs again. Donít buy any of this. Tell him that it is up to him to quit the drugs, not you. You are not responsible for his behavior. By the way, if you are thinking that everyone does some drugs so there is no one left to date, you are hanging around the wrong people. While we are on the subject, do we need to talk about drug use? I donít think that we do, but if we do, please, please, letís talk.

You need to know that there is a lot of false information out there, most of which comes from the people who are using the drugs. They make it sound really good. Itís not. I have seen many people lose their family, friends, their productive lifestyle, and sometimes their life, because the drug became number one in their life. Do you know what upsets me the most? Not a single one of those people set out to destroy their life. I am certain that if these people had known what destruction lay ahead, they would have never taken that first drug that seemed so harmless. In reality, the most dangerous illegal drug is the first one taken. It seems so harmless in the beginning. In spite of the seriousness of drug use there is a simple solution; simply donít do it.


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